Stepfamilies can live happily ever after

Stepfamilies can live happily ever after
Stepfamilies can live happily ever after. Is it easy? Not judging by the nearly 66 percent divorce rate remarried families experience. Is it possible? Yes. Is it worth it? Take Tom and Tracey, married 18 years. Tom brought a 12-year-old son to the new marriage and Tracey brought four children ranging in age from 4 to 13 years.

"Falling in love, getting married and dreaming 'we' would all live happily ever after was the easy part of step-parenting. The challenges came when we up rooted children from their homes and communities and placed them into the unknown, not even aware of their hurts and losses. We began living with children only a parent could love and found many problems and much stress," the couple said.

But, with the help of their faith, their sons grew into adulthood with a genuine love and concern for their parents and each other. The challenges a couple will face when putting two families together can be formidable. They include:

* Children still grieving for the loss of their original family and who are not about to accept another adult in a parental role.

* Trying to find time to nurture a new marriage in the midst of the chaos created by bringing two families (often unwillingly) together.

* Two parents coming together with different expectations of children, rules of acceptable behavior and emotional ties. Trying to provide mutual and agreed-upon parental guidance to all the children in the family can be difficult.

The term "blended" family often adds to the confusion and disappointment because members of a stepfamily rarely blend quickly into one smooth mixture. Ron Deal, a nationally recognized authority on helping stepfamilies be successful, compares bonding a stepfamily with cooking in a crock-pot: It takes a great deal of time and low heat to bring the ingredients together.

In the successful stepfamily, former alliances between children and their natural parents are respected while the natural parent slowly opens the door for the stepparent to become part of the mix. The end result can be a group of people living together who have come to value and respect each other and who can live together in harmony.

Alvaro Castillo has been writing about health and specializing pregnancy along with how to deal with the first year of their baby’s life for 10 years, helping women with positive results. For more information check out his website at http://www.myhomeparent.com or visit his blog http://myhomeparent.blogspot.com to share your opinion